Kaaren’s Birthday

 Today is Kaaren’s birthday.

There were two days of the year that were filled with joy for us.

His birthday and Christmas. He was like an excited child barely able to wait to see his presents.

And it didn’t really matter whether the present was big or small, he just loved whatever it was.

If it was something special to wear he would have to try it on right away.

If it was a toy he’d put everything else aside to play with it right away.

When people say that you shouldn’t have they very rarely mean it. 

Kaaren meant it.

Even after all the years of happiness that he’d given me he still somehow felt that he was undeserving.

But he deserved all of it and more. 

After all our time together I could tell when his darker mood was coming back. It was almost like a hangover, depression following happiness. But I learned how to deal with it and bring his smile back.

I would dress him in something extra pretty, maybe something new 

And we would spend the day together, just us girls.

Laughing and playing together.

Always fun to make him answer the door when the food delivery came. He was so pretty when he was blushing.

So sweet, so pretty.

I used to look forward to his birthday almost as much as he did but now I find it very hard to get through.

There’s an empty space in my heart that I fear I will never be able to fill.

Sometimes I get mad at him for leaving me alone and then I get angry with myself for feeling that way.

I know he didn’t want to leave but he’s gone nonetheless and sometimes it feels like it’s getting harder and harder to go on without him.

I have friends and family that surround me with love. I have faith that I’ll see him again someday.

But I’m missing him so terribly today 

I’m sorry, I know that you don’t come here to read about this kind of thing but there’s really not a lot of people who would understand.

Mrs K

Yes It Is

I laughed when I saw this post in Kaaren’s drafts folder.

Kaaren had a wicked sense of humor and a beautiful smile.

I can just imagine how he looked when he was writing this. Sitting in something frilly, maybe the emerald green babydoll that I liked so much. He loved pink but he was truly beautiful in green. With his blonde hair and fair skin it was really his color.

I picture him peeking into his tiny little panties and seeing his little tiny bits, locked away safe and sound.

Maybe he was mentally comparing himself to one of my lovers.

Maybe he was imagining being on his knees about to suck the throbbing cock in front of him.

Maybe he was just daydreaming about what it would be like to have his lips wrapped around that stiff cock while I watched and encouraged him to take more.

Maybe, he was but I’ll never know.

But now I’m dreaming about it.

Mrs K