Promising Signs

 I came home last night exhausted physically and emotionally.

It was a very long day at work and a very hard day to be working in NYC.

When I got home I really found myself hoping that "Kaaren" wouldn't need much from me.

It sounds terrible, I know, but I'm tired.

And still scared.

And I'm tired of being scared!

All of my life I've been able to take charge and fix the things that needed to be fixed, and I hate being powerless to help the one person that means more to me than anyone else in the world.

When I came in the door the health aide met me, as usual, to give me an update on "Kaaren".

She had a big smile. 

"Come see!" she told me.

I followed her up the stairs with a little trepidation.

When I went into the bedroom I found my sweet girl sitting up in bed.

Looking very pretty in one of his pastel blue nighties.

His makeup was done to perfection, and his hair was styled into a kind of updo!

But it was his smile that stopped me in my tracks, I suddenly realized I had not seen his sweet smile since all of this began!

"Doesn't he look pretty?" asked his aide, her name is Joanna.

"He looks beautiful!"

I tried not to notice the oxygen tubes that he still wore but as for the rest of him, I could have eaten him up right there and then!

Joanna told me that he had asked her to help him to look pretty for me and that she had been reluctant at first, but afterward the two of them had ended up enjoying themselves very much.

I gave her a tight hug which she returned, before she turned and left us alone.

I had tears in my eyes as I took "Kaaren's" hand and told her how pretty she was, and how much I enjoyed seeing her like this.

I kissed her ruby red lips and reached down to give her a squeeze.

She suddenly looked worried.

"I don't think I'm ready yet."

I told him that I understood, that I can wait for him, that I love him, that he made me so happy today.

He smiled his beautiful smile at me again, then he apologized. He was so exhausted from just this that he had to lie down again.

I smiled and stroked his pretty hair.

I told him I would wake him for dinner.

I stayed until his breathing became steady as he slipped into dreamworld.

Then I went and had a good cry in my room!

It was a promising sign but it also showed me how far he had to go.

Thank you all for your good wishes and prayers. I have shown them all to "Kaaren" and he asked me to thank you all.

Once again, Thank You All.

Mrs.K