As some of you noticed I have been a little depressed lately.
Kaaren’s birthday was particularly difficult for me this year, and I found myself feeling lonely and lost.
Some friends and family did their best to try to help me through it all but their solutions were not what I needed.
My brothers basically just want me to “get over it”. Typical guys. I was surprised they didn’t tell me to walk it off.
My sister was a little bit better. At least she let me cry when I needed to without telling me to pull myself together.
But I couldn’t even fully open up to her.
I mean I probably could, it’s past the point where it could hurt Kaaren and I know she’d never hurt me intentionally. But I’ve kept Kaaren’s secrets for so long it would just feel wrong to reveal him without knowing how he would feel about it.
But there I was, just going through the motions, and then the anniversary of Kaaren’s death came and I was plunged even deeper into depression.
And then someone came along and saved me. From out of nowhere.
My garbage man helped me when no one else could.
I know, it sounds crazy but that’s what happened.
We normally just shared greetings, a wave or a smile but this time he stopped and we talked.
He said he’d been wondering about how I was getting along after my loss.
I told him I was surprised that he knew about it and he smiled and said that there’s no secrets from the local sanitation man.
He actually got me to smile.
He said that he knew my husband had passed on and he was sorry that he hadn’t offered his condolences sooner. He didn’t really know how I’d feel about him ringing my doorbell so he was waiting for a chance to talk to me and he’d already waited too long.
He told me that he knew my husband and that Kaaren (he used Kaaren’s male name), he said they had often talked when they’d seen each other.
He was sorry that someone so nice and kind had passed on so young, pointing to my neighbors house he shook his head.
“That nasty old bat next door looks down her nose as if I was some kind of scum. But she gets to live to be a thousand years old while a good guy like your husband gets cut short. It’s not fair.”
I just didn’t know how to respond to that so I just shrugged my shoulders.
Then he told me that he’d lost his wife around the same time that Kaaren died. Like Kaaren, she was fine until she suddenly was gone.
He told me that while he had some dark days, but what he did was not to dwell on that one terrible day. Instead he liked to remember the night before.
The fact that it wasn’t anything special, just a night spent with the woman he loved and who loved him back, just a nice night spent together. Not knowing it was going to be the last one.
He preferred to remember that night than the day that followed.
By then the driver in the truck was honking the horn for him to get moving.
He said he was glad we finally got to talk and he looked forward to seeing me again.
He pulled off his heavy glove to offer to shake my hand and I think he was surprised to get a big hug instead. And he blushed when I gave him a kiss on the cheek.
I thanked him and told him that he’d helped me more than he knew.
So I tried to do what he said and I realized that I hadn’t even thought about the lovely days Kaaren and I had together just before.
We were in a beautiful home set in a beautiful place and we were both so happy.
Now when my mood darkens I try to picture Kaaren there, his smile brightens even the darkest day.
Also I make a point of being there for garbage pickup day. Let’s call him Brian. He’s smart, nice and pretty cute too.
Mrs K
