He was finally home....another 18 hour work day was finally over....he knew that he should eat but instead he poured himself two fingers of fine single malt scotch....then thought it over and added another two fingers worth to it!
Exhausted, he sat down on the couch and sipped at his drink....he looked around the room....it had been decorated by his second wife and he never really cared for it....after he divorced her his lawyers had made sure she got nothing....not a dime....he smiled and thought he should have let her take all this crappy post-modern crap with her....
Redecorating was on his to-do list....but honestly he spent so little time here that he wasn't sure he'd ever get around to it....
He finished his drink and poured himself another....
He thought of his colleagues at the office....so many of them were driven like him but they somehow managed to have a life outside of work....
And most of them were on their second or third marriages....married to beautiful women....
Beautiful women whose only job was to look pretty and please their man....
Now....that's the life....I'd trade all of this for that!!!
"I can make that happen for you...."
The voice startled him....as did the sudden appearance of a beautiful woman sitting across from him....
"Who the hell are you? How did you get in here?"
"Who am I....that's not as easy to answer as you'd think....philosophers have debated that answer since the Garden of Eden....Let's just say that I was passing by and I heard you thinking about becoming a woman....as I said....I can make that happen for you...."
"Look....you better get out of here....I'm going to call the police...."
"And tell them what....that a beautiful woman appeared in your living room....and offered to make your dreams come true?"
"But you're trespassing in my house...."
"But I'm here because you called to me...whether you realize it or not...."
"But I was just..."
"You were just thinking about the easy life that should be yours....your friend Wallace, he married that hot Miranda....did you know that they have freaky sex all the time? And he takes care of her....all she has to do is....well you know...."
"Look pretty and....
"And please her man.....you know before I made a deal with her she was a grease monkey named Mitchell who worked hard and got nowhere....."
"But how...."
"You know what Stan....may I call you Stan? I really expected you to figure it out by now....someone appears from nowhere and offers to change you into the woman of your dreams....can you guess yet?"
"You must be some kind of demon....or angel....or something...."
"Damn....you're pretty thick....I'm the devil my friend....you know.....Evil Incarnate....the cursed one....the trickster....the ruler of Hell...."
"But....but....the devil is a man....."
"My my, what a sexist thing to say.....I'm an immortal being with power beyond your ability to imagine....I can appear as I like....and today I was feeling all girly....you have a problem with that?"
"No I guess not...."
"Now onto our business....I can make you into a woman....I can get you away from this life...I can get you away from this god awful furniture....I would go after your ex-wife for furnishing your house like this....but she was already damned long before she met you...I'll have to make a note that she deserves some extra torment for a millennia or two...."
"You can make me into a woman? You make it sound easy...."
"Once you sign the contract and agree to my fee it's a simple as snapping my fingers..."
"Your fee....what is your fee?"
"I swear....every time I try to make a deal no one seems to know.....for hells sake....read a book ....see a movie....I want your immortal soul!!!"
"But then I'd be damned to hell like my ex-wife!!!"
"Well....yes....but you'd have some fond memories to look back on while the imps poke at you....and you're almost certainly damned already....almost everybody is....He's pretty strict about who gets in that golden gate...."
"So I'm damned either way?"
"That's about the size of it....so shall we make a deal?"
"We can negotiate....."
"Oy!!!! Alright lets see if we can work it out...."
They hammered out the deal in the next couple of hours....al dutifully transcribed by the best legal team hell had to offer.....
"So....I get to be a beautiful woman....and have men take care of all my needs and all I have to do is please them in return?"
"That's the deal.....if you want it...."
"What's on the other 1400 pages?"
"Oh....that's just legal mumbo jumbo....standard lawyer stuff....party of the first part....party of the second part....that kind of stuff...."
"So when does my new life start?"
"Sign the contract and I'll snap my fingers and it's done...."
"Do I need to sign it in blood or anything...."
"If you feel like it.....it's really not necessary...."
He nodded and signed the contract which disappeared along with the lawyers back into the infernal depths.....
"Are you ready?"
"Yes please?"
The woman snapped her fingers and the entire world swirled around him and when it stopped he was standing on a street corner.....the devil was next to him....
"Wait.....am I some kind of prostitute?"
"You're a beautiful woman and men will take care of your needs....and all you have to do is please them in return....it's what you asked for...."
"No.....not like this.....this isn't what I meant...."
"Well Sweetie....that's why you shouldn't sign anything without reading it....."
"Can we renegotiate the deal...."
"I don't think so Honey....and besides I think you might have a customer coming down the road....so I'll leave you to it....I'll be back to collect your soul in seven years....enjoy!"
And in a puff of smoke he was gone.....
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