Like he had so many other times he sat in his little one room flat....above the greasy spoon diner where he could smell the food all day....and wondered where he had gone wrong....
He'd been a mediocre student....even when he tried his best he rarely rose above average...
He didn't care for sports and Physical Education had been more like a daily torture than anything else....he wasn't good at catching, hitting, throwing or any of the gymnastics....
He knew in his heart that he should have been a pretty girl.....they got by with just a whiff of perfume or a tight sweater....that would have been the ideal life for him.....
Suddenly the room smelled like sulfur and he wasn't alone....
"Hello my boy....I was just passing by and I heard your cries for help and I just had to come and try to ease your suffering...."
"Who are you.....how'd you get in here???"
"Sometimes I bemoan the state of education in the world today....I appeared from thin air and offered you my assistance....who do you think I am?"
"Are you....are you Jesus?"
"Close....but just the opposite...."
"You must be the Devil...."
"I guess I must be...."
"What do you want here...."
"I was going to fulfill your deepest desire but first what is that smell?"
"Oh....that's the diner downstairs...."
"It's making me hungry....but business first....I can change your life...with a snap of my fingers you can become the pretty girl you've always wanted to be....the life you've wanted for so long...."
"But what do you want from me....."
"What I really want right now is a big bacon cheeseburger.....but I'll get that after we're finished here....so you know who I am....and I've offered you your deepest desire....let's see.....what do you suppose I want?"
"My....my soul...."
"Bingo....right on the nose.....you give me eternal rights to your soul and I'll make you the pretty girl....or in your case that ship has sailed....so I'll make you the pretty woman you've always dreamed of....with a beautiful home....and a husband who provides for you....so you'll just have to look pretty....that'll be your job!!!"
"But what about my soul?"
"Look....I'm too lazy to get out the big book, but I can pretty much guarantee you I was getting your soul anyway....the other place is really hard to get into....he's such a stickler for rules....and he's got so many rules it's almost impossible to get through a normal life without breaking at least one....and that's all it takes....one offense and off you go into damnation...."
"Why should I believe you?"
"If you'd like I can summon the soul of your Granny....she could tell you it's true..."
"My Granny is in....Hell!!!"
"Oh yes....I don't remember which rule she broke exactly....but she still makes those great cookies you used to like so much....she goes into the oven with them and makes sure they don't burn...."
"You're torturing my Granny!!!"
"I'm the Devil....she's in Hell....it's not a walk in the park you know...."
"Then you'll be torturing me too...."
"Oh yes....but it's up to you if we torture just some average schmuck or a beautiful woman...how would you prefer to spend eternity?"
"I guess I'd rather be a woman...."
"Perfect....now lets hash out the details because the aroma of bacon is driving me mad!!!
"Why don't you just snap your fingers and have it appear?"
"It's just not the same....plus I can tell there's a few good prospects down there....the cook's a good god-fearing man and those are always the most fun!!!"
"So....the details...."
"Ah yes....well, as I understand it....you want to be a pretty woman....an object of desire....you want to live in a nice home....and have a husband who makes it all possible...is that it?"
"That sounds right....yes that's what I want...."
"Alright then.....just sign the contract and we're done here...."
A hefty contract appeared in front of him.....
"This must be five hundred pages....why is it so complicated?"
"You know....lawyers....Hell is full of them....so it's all legalese....honestly I can't say that even I've ever read one all the way through...."
"But there's no tricks in here...."
"Why would I want to trick you...."
"Because you're the Devil....isn't that what you do?"
"Come now....I thought we were friends....I'll tell you what I'll do.....it's normally a ten year deal....but because I want to prove myself to you I'll make it so that I don't collect till the end of your natural life...."
With a puff of smoke several dozen pages disappeared....
"Well alright then...."
And as soon as he finished signing....the entire world swirled around him and he found himself lounging in his house....waiting in a negligee....waiting for his husband to get home!!!
Soon enough he heard the door....he was home....and he'd brought a few friends with him....
"Hello Dear....I'm so glad your home!!!"
"Yeah.....I've brought home a few clients....get out of those clothes and get on the bed....I think you should be on your belly....one of the guys has exotic tastes!!!!"
All she could think of as she lay there naked and waiting.....was that this was for the rest of her natural life....I hope that Devil choked on that cheeseburger!!!!
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