Saturday Matinee - We Have A Deal

 

 "Look I don't know....or care...how you did it but I know that it's you and you owe me a lot of money....and I want it now!!!"

He'd recognized his former henchman Santos, and had thought his recent "transformation" would save him....he didn't realize that his speech and mannerisms hadn't really changed along with the rest of him....damn....why hadn't he included that in the contract....

But now the enraged man was here....demanding money that he really didn't have anymore....he had spent tens of thousands of dollars on a new home and wardrobe and jewelry to match his new life and the little he had left wasn't even ten percent of the money they had stolen together!!!

"It was a 60/40 split....I didn't even like that but I agreed to it....and so did you!!! So the haul was two hundred grand.....and while I was waiting for you to drop off my eighty grand you just disappeared!!!! I never expected to find you again but I guess I had an angel on my shoulder!!!"

Santos.... angel on my shoulder....could it have something to do with him selling his soul to become the woman of his dreams....could this be some kind of divine retribution?

"Look you....bitch I guess is right now....look bitch I'm going to kill you just on general principle....but maybe I'll just mess up your pretty face if you tell me where the money is..."

"What can I tell you....it's gone....I could give you the eight thousand or so that I have in the bank....I could write you a check!!!"

"A check....you make me laugh...say your prayers!!!"

But before he could move....in fact he suddenly found he couldn't move at all...there was another person in the room with them....

"I'm sorry to interrupt your business Mr. Santos....but I have a contract with this one and I can't allow any early termination....although I'm a fan of your technique and I foresee us getting along famously in the future....I just have to tell you that you can't kill her..."

"What's going on....who the hell are you?"

"That's quite the ironic question Mr. Santos....I appeared in an empty room and froze your body in place....and spoke, quite clearly, of the fact that she and I have a contract....think it over....I'm not Santa Claus....although I like red suits....who do you think I am?"

The mans face paled as the realization came to him....

"Holy Mother of God!!!"

"No....but you're getting warmer..."

"You're the devil!!!"

"Bingo...give the man a cigar!!!"

"But why....what...."

"Look...it's a long story but the young lady here....who was a man when you knew him...prayed for a new life after that robbery....he prayed for a new start...he prayed to be the woman he'd always felt he was inside....and  well....I thought somebody should answer his prayers....I know that nobody upstairs pays that much attention to mortal prayers anymore....so I made a deal with him....he gets ten happy years as a woman and I get his immortal soul...."

"But we were criminals....wouldn't you get our souls anyway?"

"That's very astute Mr. Santos.....in fact I get almost everybody....but I need some souls to help me out here on earth....eternal torment is fun...but I need souls to do the little petty temptations for me....all it takes is one little sin and they're mine....they're really ridiculously strict about who gets in up there....an to be honest with you....the crowd up there is really pretty dull.....my side is where the action is..."

"Then why stop me....let me kill this bitch and you get him right away!!!"

"Well you see that's covered in our contract...."

The devil snapped his fingers and a huge paper contract appeared....flipping through the pages he found what he was looking for....

"Ah....here it is....section 14 paragraph 666.....haha....that's a funny coincidence....anyway cutting through all the legal mumbo-jumbo in here it boils down to this....if I allow him to die before the contract specifies....the contract is void and he is released from all obligations and I may never claim his soul...."

"So....you mean if I kill him he goes....to heaven...."

"Oh no....they'd never take the likes of him....he's tainted by dealing with me....so no he doesn't go there...."

"Then where does he go?"

"Why he stays here of course....a wandering spirit....I believe you people call them ghosts..."

"Ghost are real?"

"Don't you watch cable TV? Of course ghosts are real....so is the Loch Ness monster and the chupacabra....I'm not so sure about Bigfoot though...."
"So what now Devil...."

"Well Mr.Santos you've put me in an awkward situation here...I can't allow you to kill her and I know you'll try again as soon as I step away....I don't suppose you'd like to be a woman?"

"No thanks!!!!"

"Oh well there's nothing else I can do....I can't have you running around disclosing my business so I guess this will be it...."

A gunshot rang out and Santos toppled over dead.....

"Oh well....he wasn't due just yet but he was just going into the pit of fire with the others...not like you my dear....you and I have a deal!!!"

And then he was gone....as were the ropes that had bound him....and as he looked up two policemen burst into the room....and he looked at them....and at Santos body....and at the smoking gun that had appeared in his trembling hand....and he realized the devil had tricked him one more time....

But at least he was sure he wouldn't get the gas chamber...at least not for another eight years....after all....he had a deal!!!