Saturday Matinee - A Deal's A Deal

 

 

 He came home from the game like he did after every game....envious...

No, of course he wasn't envious of the other team....they had defeated them easily....they had no one in their school who could compete on his level.....

No, he was envious of the cheerleaders as he always was....

They were so cute and they looked like they were having so much fun on the sidelines...they smiled and cheered whether their team was winning or losing....and the boys flocked to them after every game....

How he wished he could be like one of them....

He thought that he was alone in the locker room but a voice behind him startled him....

"I could make that happen for you...."

"Excuse me....who the hell are you...."

"Oh I was just passing by and I could hear you crying out for help.....I could make you the cheerleader of your dreams if you'd like...."

"I didn't cry out for....who the hell are you?"

"That's the second time you've asked me that....I would think it would be obvious...humans used to be a lot quicker on the uptake in the old days....let's see....I read your thoughts and have appeared to offer to fulfill your darkest desire....who the hell do you think I am?"

"Oh my god!!!"

"Close....guess again...."

"You're him....you're the devil....I didn't think you were real...."

"Really? You can look at the state of the world and still think I'm not real? Well....in the old days people recognized my work all the time....ah well....anyways....how about it....do you really want to be a cheerleader?"

"Not just a cheerleader....I want to be a girl....can you do that?"

"I can do that easy....one snap of the fingers but it doesn't come for free....you studied economics last semester.....no such thing as a free lunch you know...."

"I suppose you want....my soul...."

"Well normally I'd say yes.....but you're a special case....I'm also recruiting for my team....we're going up against the other team soon and I'd like to have a few exceptional players....like yourself....it would mean a lot to me to win just once against him and that insufferable Holy Ghost....just once...."

"So what kind of deal are you offering me?"

"I'll make you into the woman you've always wanted to be....I won't change anything else....your family will be the same...your friends will be the same....and I can even re-direct your girlfriend..."interests"....shall we say....so that she'll still be your girlfriend....no changes to your life at all except that you're female....and as far as anyone will remember...you always have been a girl....in return I get exclusive rights to your immortal soul and you will play for my team from the infernal depths in a championship game against those assholes from above...."

"But how long is the contract for....maybe I should have an agent..."

"Oh you poor schmuck....all the agents are with me....every single one of them sold their souls....for them it was easy....all they wanted was the money....and money is easy for me to get....you've heard of the Federal Reserve....well I could tell you stories...but I'm straying from the point....I could get you any agent you want....living or not....and every single one of them will sell you out to me for the money...."

"Okay so just us then....how long is the contract for then?"

"Don't you watch movies? It's for all eternity of course....I mean if I release you in a couple of millennia, where are you going to go? The other place certainly won't take you and there might not be much of a world still here by then...."

"I guess that's right....but I'd be on the All-Star Team right....so no eternal torture or any of that crap...."

"Well....everybody gets some eternal torture....it's just the way things are made....you can thank the other side for that....I didn't make the rules....but I can try to make it easier for you....at least while you're winning...."

"Okay then....what about now....I don't want to "join your team anytime soon..."

"That presents me with a problem....I need you soon....I don't want you when you're old and gray....I need you in your peak playing years.....so I'll give you....two years...."

"Make it ten....."

"Jeez....you'll be a has been in ten years....I'll go to two and a half...."

"Seven...."

"Two and three quarters...."

"Five...."

"Two and seven eighths...."

"Three...."

"Alright three it is...are you ready to begin your new life...."

"I want to be pretty too...."

"I guarantee heads will turn every time you walk into a room!"

"Alright lets do it....."

In a puff of smoke a document appeared....

"Just sign here....and here....and here....and initial here, here and here....oh and here too...."

"Is that it?"

"Yep....I'll see you in three years....enjoy your new life as a woman!!!"

And then he was alone again....and he was different in some ways....but not in some other important ways....he should have specified....

He was a woman all right....and it was true that heads turned every time he came into a room....but the devil had been true to his word....the only change had been from male to female...he was still the seven foot basketball phenomena that he had been before....

But he trained as hard as he always had because he knew that he had a future in the game....